Year: 2014

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Say Hello to the Gigantic Sea Creature, The Ninjen

Say hello to the latest creature on the block in the Cryptid community: The Japanese sea creature called, The Ningen.

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First spotted in the 1990s by fishermen who initially thought they had discovered a foreign submarine, the Ninjen was described as 60-90 feet in length and as a “blubbery whale-like creature” only with human-like arms, legs (or sometimes a tail instead) and facial features (only eyes and a mouth). They’ve been spotted in the Antarctic, Pacific and Atlantic oceans and are invariably described as being huge and very white and always out at night…because any cryptid worth its salt (water) wouldn’t be caught dead out at noon.

Various stories circulated about the monster but it wasn’t until 2007 when a Japanese magazine called “Mu” published a story about it, that suddenly the world was flooded with sightings, photos, and even a grainy video. Immediately stories began of cover-ups by the Japanese government and even MIB-like folks who warn off those who claim to have seen the Ninjen about telling others their stories. Taking over the web in Japan, much like the (entirely fictional) Slender Man has been over here in the states lately, theories abound from them being alien life to ancient sea gods. I’m just glad to have a new beastie on the block. Time to update the Monster Manual.

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Wednesdays are also weird at the Alamo Ritz!

The Alamo Drafthouse Ritz is right down the street from the Museum of the Weird and just to show how much we love ’em, if you and a friend are heading down to check out their “Weird Wednesday” screenings at 10 pm (ish), you can get your friend into the Museum of the Weird for free! How, you ask? Show up early to pick up your ticket (at least an hour) and bring it into the museum. Show it to the staff, buy an admission for yourself, and your friend gets in with you for free!

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Outrageously stupid dubbed Italian comedy about policeman David Speed, played by comedy spaghetti western icon Terence Hill, who stands a little too close to an exploding nuclear missile. Just as in real life, the exposure to devastating atomic shock waves and high levels of radioactive plutonium gives him super powers. He has telepathy, telekinesis, he can catch bullets in his teeth, jump through walls, fall from great heights with no consequences, walk on water, stop time and pretty much do anything else that’s convenient for the plot. But his powers don’t always work, which leads to some wacky complications – you’re going to LOVE those wacky complications. With Ernest Borgnine as his by-the-book partner, who just gets all steamed up when Officer Dave won’t follow the rules. This movie is dumb, but are you really all that smart? I mean, come on. (Lars)

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Terror Tuesday at the Alamo = Free +1 at Museum of the Weird

Tuesday is the day that the Alamo Drafthouse Ritz on 6th street features their curated “Terror Tuesday”. At 9:45 pm they show some of their favorite horror films, accompanied by weekly drink and food specials. And you can get a two-fer if you show up early! Give yourself an extra hour before the show starts, pick up your ticket, bring it and a friend into the Museum of the Weird, just down the block, show our staff your ticket, and if you buy admission to the museum, your friend gets in with you for free!

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In the ’70s and ’80s, lovable real-life serial killer Ed Gein made cannibalism and human-flesh wardrobes into youth culture sensations. When not blaring Journey or learning macrame, the era’s teens could often be found enjoying the latest Gein-inspired cinematic masterpiece, from TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE to the incredible DERANGED. MOTEL HELL takes the crown as the most deeply pleasurable, fun-powered man-as-meat tale ever set loose on the public. Affable aging country boy Farmer Vincent (the great Rory Calhoun) and his sister run a backwoods “resort,” where road-weary visitors can enjoy a night’s rest and a slit throat. The most honored of these guests end up ground into Farmer Vincent’s Fritters, a popular local delicacy. Besides boarders, other sausage ingredients include snoops, bikers and even a heavy metal band whose tour van sports a giant mustache on its front bumper. If you don’t want to see a man wearing a giant pig’s head have a chainsaw war with a cop, you’re just an idiot. (Zack Carlson)

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The Giant Hole at the Top of the World

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Scientists are confused by the sudden appearance of a giant 80 meter wide hole that has appeared in a remote part of Siberia (you know it’s gotta be remote if it’s the most remote part of Siberia) called Yamal, which means “end of the world”.

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Not a good omen.

A scientific crew is preparing to investigate but the reason for the hole’s existence is a mystery. Some experts say that from analyzing the images, scorching is visible around the sides of the hole which indicates ‘severe burning’. Enter the UFO folks, natch. Another expert says global warming is the cause with expanding gases under the surface that mixed with salt and water and BOOM…high school chemistry class on a massive level.

I’m certainly not thinking they’re going to find Atlantis or any other versions of the occasionally resurfacing Hollow Earth theories, but I admit to feeling trepidation as to what they’re going to find down there nonetheless. Where’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer when you need her?

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The Mummified Mannequin of Mexico

Have you ever seen a mannequin in a store that was perhaps a little TOO real looking? No, I’m not talking about Kim Cattrall in that 1987 comedy (?) film. You know what I’m talking about. But I guarantee you, no creepy old department store shopping experience you’ve had can hold a prayer candle to a little shop in Chihuahua, Mexico. The bridal store, called La Popular, is the talk of the town because of a suspiciously realistic mannequin in the store’s window.

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The figure was first displayed in the store in 1930 and immediately the locals thought something was up. Incredible detail (down to varicose veins in her legs apparently), real human hair, and a creepy gaze drew folks from far and wide to look at the strange figure. Then the rumors started: according to the tales, the figure bore an uncanny resemblance to the owner’s daughter, Pascuala Esparza, who (allegedly) had died of a spider bite on her wedding night. Soon whispers began that the figure was indeed the immaculately embalmed and preserved body of Pascuala herself. Despite denials from the poor owner, the legend continued and even today is widely believed.

Even the employees aren’t sure: only two who work there are allowed to change the figure and then, only behind closed doors. Some (of course) even say she changes position all on her own in the middle of the night. True believers have decided she is a saint and they regularly leave candles in front of her display and pray to her for guidance in love and (fortunately for the store) help in deciding which dresses to buy.

Naturally, skeptics say that the preservation that would be involved to keep a body in such pristine condition for 75 years is just not possible, but folks who’ve seen Pascuala up close walk away shaken. But both the current owner and Pascuala herself just dummy up about it (snicker). I would too if it encouraged sales like that.

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The Grave That Would Not Move

Welcome to Amity, Indiana (why is weird stuff always happening in places called Amity?), a small community, seemingly normal enough. But then there’s this:

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“Honey, did you see that? There was a grave right in the middle of the road!”, said no few amount of out-of-the-way travelers, one would expect, heading down Amity’s County Road 400. Why in the world would they leave a grave there like that? The answer: the road crews were terrified of disturbing it.

Back in 1808, a happy family settled here, Nancy and William Barnette, who had 11 children together before Nancy died in 1931 and William buried her on her favorite hill. The spot ended up becoming an official graveyard for a number of locals who wanted to be buried there as well. Flash to years later when the county was building its roads (as they do) and the process of moving the graves began. But Nancy’s ancestors weren’t having it.

Daniel, her grandson, grabbed his shotgun and camped out right on her grave. Nobody would come near it or the clearly irate and trigger-happy Daniel. Finally, the county gave up and just split the lanes down the middle around the site and to boot, gave it a protective concrete slab and a historical marker.

Now you can’t just put a grave right smack dab in the middle of the road and not start some ghost stories. Sure enough, the neighborhood kids tell tales and visit the grave late at night to scare themselves silly, as neighborhood kids have been wont to do in any given neighborhood near the creepiest monument accessible, probably since the birth of civilization. But the grave doesn’t represent the eternal spirit of Nancy, I suspect, so much as the eternal stubbornness of Hoosiers.

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The Salesman, The Lights, His Alien Lover and a Mummy

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The Place: The Appalachian Mountains

The Time: 1965

The Story: Pretty wild, man.

Meet Ralph Lael, a furniture salesman who was scouting a mountain in North Carolina that was famous for what was called “The Brown Mountain Lights”. On certain nights, many claimed that mysterious lights would rise up from the forest and into the skies. Pre-1947 and the beginning of the UFO craze, they were believed by Native Americans and early settlers to be ‘spirit lights’, but of course after…

But back to Ralph…he encountered these lights, and in a very direct way: “I’m frightened, don’t know what to do,” he wrote. “One light moves forward. It is now about ten feet from me and it is glowing. I could read a newspaper by the shining of it. It is ten to twelve feet across. Almost a perfect circle. It has a brown center that does not look solid. The shape of the brown center is like a tumble bug but without a head standing on its back end. Not touching the ground but suspended in the center of the glowing ball. It seems to have three hands or feelers protruding out from each side.”

Ralph claimed in the book he wrote about his experiences that after learning to communicate with the light using basic yes-no questions, it led him through crystal walled tunnels into a secret cave base in the mountain where he met an alien race called The Pewam. They took him to the planet Venus (which he said was made entirely of crystal), warned him about the dangers of nuclear science, and totally let him nail a hot alien chick named Noma who showed up to greet him in just a bra and panties.

….

Yeah, that too. I kinda want to get abducted now.

After he was brought back, he says he found a small mummified alien body in one of the caves and he brought it back to town where he displayed it in a glass case in hit furniture store for years until he died and the store was bulldozed….AND NO ONE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BODY!!!

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Naturally, stories of the Men in Black showing covering up evidence immediately surfaced, but many have more reasonably tied the mummy to being a sideshow attraction created by the legendary Homer Tate. Regardless of it’s earthly or unearthly origins, we still don’t know what happened to it.

Ok, so Venus isn’t made of crystal, and Ralph was almost certainly a huckster trying to attract folks coming to see the lights (which appear to be a real and probably naturally occurring phenomena), but it’s certainly more fun to imagine Ralph on a sexy space adventure.

 

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The Ghost in Your Home Might Just be a Crazed Meth-Head

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A Seattle couple came home at 10 pm to find their house had been ransacked…but in a very strange way. “Someone — or something had torn open their mail, spread clothing throughout the house, smeared lotion on a door handle, removed the inner soles from all of their shoes, screwed a single screw into a piece of scrap wood — which had been crammed into the space between a door and its frame — and placed an upside-down can of paint on top of their toilet,” read a media release from the Seattle Police Department. “A purse, containing a 27-year-old women’s ID card, had also been placed on top of the couple’s bed.”

There were no fingerprints or signs of a break-in so the police left the nervous couple to their own devices and called it a night. As if you could sleep soundly after that…

A few nights later, in the middle of the night, the terrified couple phoned the police again to report noises coming from under the bed. I mean, you’ve got to be pretty freaked out if you’re an adult and you call the police about monsters under the bed without checking for yourself, right? Turns out, it’s a good thing they did. The monster they were scared of was spotted immediately by arriving police leaving the couple’s bedroom: a 27 year old woman.

It turns out the lady in question had been on a ‘meth rampage’ for several days and had also broken into another house earlier that evening. The purse and ID found earlier on the bed belonged to her.

It just goes to show you that there often is a perfectly good rational explanation sometimes for reports of the paranormal. Really, really, freaky and frightening rational explanations. Me? I’d rather have had the poltergeist.

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Dead Grandmother Sends “Selfie” from Hell

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This is the picture that Gina Mihai of Romania received on her cell phone that she believes was sent by her dead grandmother. “When I switched the phone on I was horrified to see my dead grandmother’s face. She had what looked like a snake around her neck, and the whole image looked as if it had been taken through a hole, like it was shot through a tear in the fabric that separates the living from the dead. I took it to a fortune teller who told me that my grandmother was sending me a message from the other side, the snake around her neck was a symbol of the fact that she was being punished in the other life for some sin. By contacting us she was telling us that if we were to pray for her, we would still be able to save her soul.”

In Romania once a year there is a feast called “The Service of Alms” where Romanians give food to their ancestors in the graveyard. Gina apparently hadn’t made the effort since her grandmother died 3 years previously and received the photo while she was making doughnuts. Since then, she’s been bringing doughnuts every day out to grammie’s grave to placate her afterlife tormenters. A relative said, “The village priest told me that we need to do 40 Days of Alms to make up for those that we missed and we are doing it now. We want to help her soul to be saved.”

Hmm, I wonder if there’s an instagram filter for hell? Someone might want to get on that. My first step would have been to check to see if I had a trade-in available with my phone contract. Either way, free ghost doughnuts! It seems win-win to me.

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Millionaire Guru Kept Frozen by Followers Who Argue: Dead or Asleep?

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Although doctors in India say that wealthy guru Shri Ashutosh Maharaj is definitely dead after a heart attack, his followers aren’t so sure. They say he may be ‘clinically dead’, but they believe he is spiritually alive and in deep meditation. Some of his followers were quoted as saying, “This is nothing unusual. Medical science does not understand things like yogic science.” and “He is not dead. His holiness will return to life as soon as he feels it is right. We will preserve his body until then.”

And sure enough, the head of the Divine Light Awakening Mission, who is worth 100 million pounds, has been put in a freezer by his followers, who say it won’t harm him since he was used to meditating in the deep cold of the Himalayas. But relatives of the guru claim the followers are just trying to keep control of his money. A court has been asked to investigate for the family who want his body released for cremation.

In his follower’s defense, there have been examples of holy men in recent history who could slow down their body functions to an incredible level through concentration. However, I can’t find any case where anyone could actually stop their heart, at least to the level where modern doctors couldn’t detect life. I wonder how long it will take for the oversized freezer’s electric bills to run through the guru’s fortune?