Tomorrow is the big day! At 11am tomorrow, Sfanthor is lowering the drawbridge. Come in and see what all the buzz is about!
Sfanthor’s Grand Opening is Tomorrow!
Homer Simpson is a Genius?? Discovers Mass of Higgs Boson.
I’ve always thought Homer was less dumb and more of an idiot-savant like character. Turns out, my hunch was not far off from the truth.
In the 1998 episode, “The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace”, Homer wrote an equation to calculate the mass of the Higgs Boson. Either a point of it being a complete coincidence, or one of the writer’s being the smartest man alive, the equation turned out to be correct, fourteen years later.
“A lot of the writers on The Simpsons are mathematicians,” said Simon Singh, author of The Simpsons and their Mathematical Secrets.
“That equation predicts the mass of the Higgs boson. If you work it out, you get the mass of a Higgs boson that’s only a bit larger than the nano-mass of a Higgs boson actually is.”
Next thing you know, Homer will discover the formula to create donuts out of thin air.
Leading Surgeon Believes it Will Soon be Possible to Perform a Real-life Head Transplant on a Human
We almost have Futurama technology now, for we are apparently only two years away from mastering the human head transplant. Italian surgeon Sergio Canavero has been enthusiastically promoting the idea that transplanting the head of one person to another is viable, and entirely possible.
Besides the grand benefit of getting to have multiple heads throughout your lifetime, (imagine head stores!) it also could extend the person’s lifespan due to all the benefits of a brand spanken new head with extensive muscular or nervous system degeneration.
Canavero detailed the entire procedure, which would involve placing the patient in to a coma for several weeks so that they don’t move during the healing process, in a recent medical paper.
The new bodied patient would be able to feel their new face when they awoke, and would be able to walk again after a twelve month period.
“If society doesn’t want it, I won’t do it,” he said. “But if people don’t want it, in the US or Europe, that doesn’t mean it won’t be done somewhere else. I’m trying to go about this the right way, but before going to the moon, you want to make sure people will follow you.”
So look forward to Swedish head transplants in 2017.
Research Group Uses Volunteers Dressed Up as Monsters to Investigate How Sightings are Reported.
There are a lot of Cryptozoologist and they all “want to believe”. Some may say that they rush a little too quickly to conclusions about what sightings are real and what are fake. A team from the University of St Andrews in Fife, Scotland have been pulling the upper hand on this by running a series of experiments to better understand how these people react to sightings to the unknown, cryptozoological creatures of myth.
For example, one experiment involved someone dressing up in a Bigfoot costume and storming around the Royal Botanic Garden in Edinburgh. The site has an an abundance of Redwoods, making it a common area to see unidentified creatures.
They divided the guinea pigs… I mean visitors, into two groups. One group was set on a route that would lead them to the costumed Bigfoot, where the others were sent safely on a galavant through the woods. Both groups were asked to write a report on their experiences throughout the walk.
“It’s a serious study of people reporting things,” said statistical ecologist Dr Charles Paxton who previously cataloged every recorded sighting of the Loch Ness Monster.
“I’m trying to see if there are statistical patterns. All my work gets published in proper scientific journals. All I do is with the aim of getting proper results.”
No reports have been published yet but we will follow up on the return of this Cryptozoological Punk’d study.
Hubble Captures a Smiley Face in Space
The Hubble has been exploring new galaxies and capturing the wonders of the unknown, but recently, it seemed to catch a smile, made out of distant galaxies.
Each feature that make up the parts of the face, are individual galaxies, pulling themselves together into a ring like formation.
“In this special case of gravitational lensing, a ring – known as an Einstein Ring – is produced from this bending of light, a consequence of the exact and symmetrical alignment of the source, lens and observer and resulting in the ring-like structure we see here,” NASA wrote on its website.
There’s a metaphor in here somewhere…
Real Life Robocop in the Works
With Detroit looking almost exactly like the original Robocop predicted, and the lack of an available police force on top of it, it seems more fitting now than ever for Robocop to be real. At least that’s what the researchers at Florida International University seem to think, as they are in the works of developing a, “real life Robocop.”
The robot, nicknamed “TeleBot” (missed opportunity to call it some form of Robocop, if you ask me), is a humanoid, human sized robot that can be controlled remotely through a hyper advanced telepresence system that allows the pilot to see what the robot sees and operate the robot like a suit, similar to the theoretical technology used in Gundam Wing.
This is a passion project of a bunch of undergrads with a shoestring budget. This has proven to be the most impressive aspect of the project, and with the robot weighing in at 75 pounds and 6ft tall, their plan to take over the police force with humanoid robots seems to be well underway.
Robot Vacuum Starts The Robot vs Human War Early and Attempts to Eat a Woman’s Head
We all know that the robots are just waiting for the opportune moment to turn on us and start the robot revolution against all humanity, but a vacuum robot in South Korea jumped the gun a little and tried to start the revolution early by attempting to eat a woman’s head.
A 52 year old woman residing in South Korea decided to take a lovely afternoon nap in her home on the floor (which is a way more socially acceptable place to sleep in South Korea than here in America) when she awoke, she found the vacuum attached to her head, with half of her hair inside of the vacuum.
Unable to free herself, she panicked, as well as all of South Korea over the pending doom, until the firefighters arrived and were able to detach the vacuum without any injuries, and stop the robot apocalypse.
The Prehistoric Guinea Pig was Over 1.5 Meters Big, and Probably Hung Out With Dinosaurs.
I grew up with a guinea pig, and they are some of the cuddliest, sweetest little buggers ever. However, two to four million years ago, they weren’t quite house pets.
Josephoartigasia monesi (or “Big Rodent”), the cousin species to the guinea pig, existed in prehistoric times and was about the size of a bull. They had tusks they could use to bite with the same force as a tiger fueled up on RedBull.
They were vegetarians, but their teeth-tusks were used to help fight off predators and burrow and build shelter, amongst many other advantages this creature had with its tusks.
We can all look in awe as paleontologist continue to research more on this fine creature, and hope it never returns to the modern era, so we can avoid this…
A British Student Has Their Heart Set on Giving Birth on Mars.
A 24 year old student is on the shortlist to go to Mars as part of the widely controversial “Mars One” project.
Maggie Lieu, an astrophysics student, is one of around six hundred people shortlisted with the possibility of becoming part of the first group of people to take permanent residence on Mars.
Everyone has their reasons, but Lieu has a very specific incentive, to be the first woman to ever give birth on the red planet.
“It would be incredible to be the Adam and Eve of another planet,” she said. “Because it is a colonization program, it’s inevitable that eventually someone will procreate and it would be incredible to be the first mother on Mars.”
The first mission to place a man on mars permanently is scheduled for 2024, but as most projects involving the impossible go, there will enivedibly be technical and financial difficulties, especially with the amount of skepticism and criticism against the idea of the project.
Also, another minor problem, is that once you go to Mars, you can’t come back. The trip is one way because there are no launch pads developed on mars, and the money to build that on Mars is far out of the project budget. But for those who are blue, it wouldn’t hurt to see more red in your life.
UPDATE: The Creature From The Tuna Can Is More Horrifying Than You Could Ever Imagine!
Remember a few days ago when we learned about the scary creature that turned us all into vegetarians (or at least tuna brand snobs)? Well, scientist have looked into it, and it turns out this creature is far more terrifying than any of us could have come up with.
Stuart Hine, a veteran from the Natural History Museum in London said that this thing was a Cymotha Exigua, otherwise known as the “tongue-eating louse”.
I’m sure you can deduct how it got its nickname, but let me further explain so you can rest assured you won’t sleep tonight. This parasite enters the fish through its gills, then lives inside of it, attaches itself to the tongue, then slowly eats away at the tongue until it becomes the whole tongue, Xenomorph style.
The UK tuna company is looking into quality control to keep all Xenomorph monsters out of their tuna can, and apologize for scaring half the world to death.